You Might Be Potty Training If...

• You are more proud of all the check marks on your toddler's potty success chart than of all the grades you got in law school.

• You've decided that the rest of the family ought to also get to eat a semi-sweet chocolate chip every time they do their business and wash their hands, as a show of solidarity.

• Your toddler proclaims from her porcelain throne, "Come quick everyone!  Come look at my poo poo in the potty!"  You and the rest of the family sprint towards the bathroom and gaze at the bowl as though it held the Mona Lisa itself.  You even indulge the artist's desire to discuss, at some length, the differences in size, shape, and color between this, ahem, masterpiece, and the one she created a few hours ago.

• Your first order of business upon entering any new place is to determine the location of the nearest bathroom.  You never venture out of the invisible "dry zone" demarcating the distance between your location and the time it would take to sprint with your toddler to the bathroom once you hear the code words, "Mommy, I need to go potty."  

• "Mommy I need to go potty" decoded:  Mommy you have one minute to get me to a potty or you're going to be sorry.

• It finally hits you that your toddler isn't the one being trained.  You are.