My dear friend Kelly recently joined the ranks of the unemployed! She left a position as an assistant principal to devote herself entirely to the everyday care of her family, a change that is great for me because it means we can see each other a little more often and talk on the phone a lot more often. Kelly is now learning a lot of things about stay at home mom-hood, and I feel it is my duty as a seven year veteran of this gig to show her the ropes.
The other night she called me and asked me to talk her off the ledge about something she was trying to cook. Moms, you've all been there.
Kelly: Sam you have to talk me off the ledge.
Me: What's up?
Kelly: I'm trying to cook a bunch of stuff, and...
Me: Hold it right there. It's Friday night. Rule number one of family cooking: Never, ever, under any circumstances, cook on Friday night. I don't care if Friday night becomes cereal night or frozen pizza night or potato chip night. You are not to fire up the stove or stand in front of the sink, period.
Kelly: Oh you're so right! It's horrible! I'll remember that for next time. But right now, I'm trying to cook a bunch of vegetables.
Me: Vegetables?
Kelly: Well, you see, I joined a vegetable co-op.
Me: Oh, yes, the vegetable co-op phase. Trust me, I've been there. You think it'll be so much cheaper and healthier than buying from the grocery store, and that you'll be eating so many more vegetables, and you'll feel like mother of the year.
Kelly: YES!! It was going to be great!! Only now I've got to cook like three zucchini and a bunch of carrots and some other things or they are all going to go bad and I'll have to throw them away. So, I found a recipe online zucchini carrot fritters and I'm going to make them.
Me: On Friday night.
Kelly: Yep.... Now, the instructions are telling me to grate the zucchini. Do they just mean the skin of the zucchini or the whole thing?
Me: The whole thing. Think of a hashbrown, only instead of potato you're using zucchini and carrots.
Kelly: Uh oh. I already cut the carrots up into little disks. Do you think I can grate the disks?
Me: Please, friend, do not try to grate the disks. Just boil them up soft and save them for Evan's lunch or something. You will grate your finger off if you do that.
Kelly: Okay, got it. Now...the other thing that came in my co-op bin is fennel. I read in a cookbook that you can use both the white and the green parts and the fronds on top.
Me: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD THROW AWAY THE FENNEL! PUT IT IN THE GARBAGE RIGHT NOW. THEN PUT YOUR KIDS TO BED AND PUT ON A MOVIE. YOU ARE NOT LEARNING TO COOK FENNEL TONIGHT. NOT. GONNA. HAPPEN.
Kelly: Oh thank you. Okay. I can do that.
Me: Is it in the garbage?
Kelly: Yes.
Me: You promise?
Kelly: Yes.
Me: Good. Okay. You're getting there.
4 comments:
I too, went through the co-op phase. My fennel was kale. We lasted 3 deliveries before I quit.
Although I lived it, I still cracked up laughing with tears when I read the re-cap.
For someone in the middle of moving into a new house that night, you were a faithful friend who talked me off the ledge when you head the exasperation and dread in my voice. That is why I love you.
Best thing I've ever read, ever. I want this to like be a morning devotional I look at every morning to get my day started off right.
I went to a party that had a chef cook for us the other day. Her tip that is awesome, and there is a complicated reason for it, but this is it: Cook veggies in the microwave 2 minutes-turn off the microwave. 2 minutes-turn off the microwave. 2 minutes-turn off the microwave. Season. Eat. It really does makin a big difference. Second tip, and there is a long story similar to Kelly's and ended something like this: Tomato Basil soup: Equal parts Prego spaghetti sauce and Half and Half. I love my life.
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